My ex and I have decided to give each other another try


My ex and I have decided to give each other another try. It’s been a long time since we broke up. He’s been married/divorced; I have never been married. I have a 16 year old handicapped daughter. It’s been 2 years since I broke up with her dad. We lived together 9 months and he hurt me real bad. Now he’s my daughter’s father and the type who will just show up or call. He wants me back even though he has a girlfriend. I have got where I don’t open the door, don’t want to, so he may storm off or maybe hit the wall. How do I tell my friend I’m starting a relationship with how he acts? He hasn’t been around in 3 weeks, but i feel he will just show up again and then what do I do? Let him in and then pray he doesn’t flip when i say I have moved on? I have another ex. We broke up as friends and now he sometimes spends the night, but he will be all right when I mention someone else. In other words both  my ex’s can get on my nerves, one just worse than the other. I like Gino a lot and i do not want any drama. I don’t know how he may react because what my daughter’s father did to me was real low and I have told Gina i was in a bad relationship and I feel I should not say anymore.

ANSWER

If your daughter’s father makes a disturbing scene when he comes around, you can get a police restraining order which prevents him from doing that. If he violates the restraining order he could go to jail. You have much drama in your life, whether you want it or not. If you want to put an end to the drama, stop being so dramatic. Start to clear things with all parties (the three men) involved, by letting them each know where they stand in the pecking order, and informing them of what is acceptable behavior and what is not. If you are not willing to do that you are being deceptive and manipulating them with your deceit. For example, you could clearly state to your daughter’s father, that he is welcome to come by and pick up his daughter for visitation (and take her with him – not visit her at your home), but otherwise he is not welcome to visit at all and that if he persists you will have to get a restraining order. Also inform him you are not interested in him any longer as a partner (friend, sex, etc.) and that you have another man (or men) in your life. Then tell the other men about each other so they can decide if they find that arrangement acceptable. If you are not willing to do that, then keep one of the other two men, and tell the other one to go.

The drama is created by yourself when you do not honestly communicate with all parties involved about what you want so they can then decide freely what they want. For example, the other two men may be happy to share your attention and have you share your bed with both of them, or they may not. But if you tell them the way it is, then they can decide and either way, whether they stay or go, your drama will end.

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